One of the best things about a night out with the girls is the flurry of messages the next day. It’s like receiving minutes from a business meeting, reminding you of the discussion, decisions made and any actions before the next meeting.
The minutes helpfully also contain photos that help jog your memory of the end of the night when snap chat was introduced… including ones you really don’t remember happening.
Here are my minutes from a meeting of former attendees of Glossop comprehensive school, who met in Glossop public houses for a period of several hours. Seven attendees, three apologies.
Let the official record state that last night a meeting of 7 ladies concluded the following:
1. A recognised cocktail-making expert in our group decreed that the Porn Star Martinis in Victoria Lounge are of the highest grade, equaling only those made in her own household. Samples were provided and the group agreed to further (immediate) consumption. Action: all future meeting to include PSMs. Oh, and cheese platters.
2. The group discussed hair removal techniques. Action: anyone suffering from ‘Jungle Minge’ should consider waxing to remove their ‘thigh-brows’.
3. The group discussed their experiences with nits and fleas. Conclusions: 1) if you are in a hotel bath with fleas jumping on the water – get out. 2) The woman seen in a Disneyland restaurant, picking fleas out of her hair and studying them is officially ‘a fucking minger’.
4. The group found themselves laughing uncontrollably several times. Action required: quickly swallow whatever is in your mouth to avoid spraying (wasting) alcohol, lean into the person next to you and rock slowly forwards and backwards whilst wheezing that your face hurts from laughing. Option to slap yourself or your friend on the thigh during swaying motion. Repeat as necessary.
5. The next meeting will be scheduled shortly, but a future off-site conference is now being planned for a weekend in the sun. The agenda for that conference will include beers at the airport, disco dancing and sun lounging. The option of 7am yoga was raised and seconded, but the other members immediately declined that offer in favour of investment in long term bed-dwelling and fry-ups.
Girls’ nights are officially the best meetings – fact!
End of minutes.
(Photographic evidence of meeting provided by Snapchat)