Facebook School

I’ve learned something useful about Facebook. Perhaps everyone else already knows all this and it’s just me that’s technologically challenged. But if not, pull up a chair at Facebook School. 

There are different levels of Liking and Following. If you’re friends with a person or like a page, you MIGHT see what they post, you might not. The more you click, like or comment on their posts, the more likely Facebook will show you more from them. 

But if like me, you never comment on your partner’s posts (because I can literally turn to him and say ‘I like that’ or show him a real life emoji on my actual face) then you are LESS LIKELY to see their posts. The computer algorithm doesn’t know he’s sitting next to me, and so he wonders why I haven’t bothered to comment about the latest blooming guitar photo he’s posted. 

So, here’s the good bit, if you want to make sure you always see posts from your partner, best friends, your boss or that funny cat videos page, you can choose to ‘FOLLOW’ them and then click on ‘SEE FIRST’. This means that when you next open Facebook your news feed will start with posts from those people. You can also add ‘get notifications’ if you REALLY want to know straight away. 

I’ve had people ask me, ‘Have you stopped doing your Unbalanced Woman page?’, saying they’ve not seen any posts for a while. Now I know why. 

So, I don’t like to ask for Facebook Likes, but you know… if you want to… and you feel you’re missing out sometimes… and you’d like to see all all the wonderful posts from Unbalanced Woman, you know what to do now:

  • Go to the page on Facebook 
  • Click on FOLLOW
  • Choose SEE FIRST
  • Probably turn off ‘get notifications’ unless you actually want them.



Now the question is, will anyone see or share THIS post? Let me know if you do. Just a simple like on my page would be lovely. No need to comment Amen or anything! 

#EveryDaysALearningDay

#FacebookSchool

Messy

My boy’s room is always messy, but today he totally beat me in a ‘tidy your room’ argument. 

Me: Come in here. Your room is a tip!

7yo: I like it like that.

Me: You need to tidy it.

7yo: I don’t want to. It’s MY room. 

Me: But it’s a mess, there are things dumped at the end of your bed, you haven’t put your clean clothes away and you never make your bed

7yo: That’s how I like it. 

Me: You’re just messy. We’re tidying it right now. Go and put those pjs in the wash basket

7yo: Muuuuum….

Me: What now? 

7yo: Can you come here? 

Me: Why?

7yo: Have you seen the state of YOUR bedroom? 

Me: ……. (shit)

7yo: YOU’ve got a pile of stuff on the floor, you haven’t put your clothes away and YOUR bed is a mess. 

Me: ……. well…. that’s different. 

7yo: Why?

Me: …. well….. because….. that was your Dad. I’ll be talking to him too. 
Yep, he got me. Smart arse little shit. 

#MessyMotherMessyChild

The Mum / Life Balance

For quite a while now I’ve been focused on getting my Work/ Life balance right. In younger life we’re told to work hard, play hard. Then parenthood came along and I felt I needed to work hard, mum hard. So where does the play part go? 

When I do (happily) sign up to nights out with friends, I’m subconsciously calculating the correct amount I time I need to dedicate to my kid, before or after, to balance out time away from him. These are the rules that Mother Guilt has set for parents. 

It’s not actually about the night out, because of course he’s asleep for most of that – it’s the day after when I just can’t be arsed going on a day trip or getting the monopoly out. Sometimes I force myself to do stuff half-heartedly and end up grumpy and shouty which makes my hangover headache even worse, and my kid has a shit day. Nobody wins. Sometimes I think, it’s best to lay off the drink or come home early so that I can be extra special Supermum the next day. Pay the debt. Restore the Mum/ Life balance. But that’s not right either is it? Is it?

I look back on my pre-kid life where it felt normal, actually humanly natural, to balance a big Saturday night out with a restful Sunday. If I’ve thrown some big shapes at the discotheque, my body should have as little movement as possible the next day, otherwise my head may literally fall off my delicate body. Mathematically that makes sense. But of course life is not two-sided scales – life is 3D. Balance is much more complicated. 

My delicate body does need that rest. My head might not actually fall off, but it won’t be at its best. So why make my kid spend time time with my broken head? Is it not better to rest up and THEN be Supermum later? Or even tomorrow?

And here’s my big revelation…. my boy doesn’t actually want to spend every minute of his weekend with me. If I offer him a morning playing board games together he’ll hesitate for a millisecond before saying ‘Erm, maybe later mum. Can I play on the Xbox first?’ 

I’m now seeing that Mother Guilt doesn’t exclusively visit parents. My boy also has an inner voice telling him that he SHOULD want to spend his every waking moment glued within his mother’s loving embrace. But honestly, 3 minutes is plenty. Perhaps longer if we’re snuggled together on the sofa watching a film. Otherwise, he has boy things to do. He wants to spend time with other people, he wants to spend time on his own. That’s OK. In fact that’s fucking brilliant. 

So here I am, with my feet up, writing, dossing, resting. And there he is, in a different room, happily playing without me. Later we might watch a film, snuggle up on the sofa, together but still resting. This week is half term, I’ll be back in full-on mothering mode, and I will Mother the shit out of him, as my best self, rested and all the better for a night out with adult friends. 

Mother Guilt ignored. Mum / Life Balanced restored. 

Galentine’s Day

Apparently today is Galentine’s Day. I had no idea. It’s a day to celebrate how much we love our gal pals. I’ve just read that it was a joke in a sitcom, that then caught on. 

Luckily I celebrated quite hard with some of my girls on Friday (see previous post) but I haven’t sent them any cards or flowers. 

So here’s to my gorgeous girls nearby and on far off shores. Love you ladies. No cards or flowers today. But I promise I will hug you or comedy-honk your boobs when I next see you. You can choose. Xxx

Feel free or share with your own Girls to send them a Galentine’s message (and celebrate a day you previously never knew existed). Comedy boob-honking is entirely optional.
#GalentinesDay

#BingeFriending

Girls’ night minutes

One of the best things about a night out with the girls is the flurry of messages the next day. It’s like receiving minutes from a business meeting, reminding you of the discussion, decisions made and any actions before the next meeting.

The minutes helpfully also contain photos that help jog your memory of the end of the night when snap chat was introduced… including ones you really don’t remember happening.

Here are my minutes from a meeting of former attendees of Glossop comprehensive school, who met in Glossop public houses for a period of several hours. Seven attendees, three apologies.

Let the official record state that last night a meeting of 7 ladies concluded the following:

1. A recognised cocktail-making expert in our group decreed that the Porn Star Martinis in Victoria Lounge are of the highest grade, equaling only those made in her own household. Samples were provided and the group agreed to further (immediate) consumption. Action: all future meeting to include PSMs. Oh, and cheese platters.

2. The group discussed hair removal techniques. Action: anyone suffering from ‘Jungle Minge’ should consider waxing to remove their ‘thigh-brows’.

3. The group discussed their experiences with nits and fleas. Conclusions: 1) if you are in a hotel bath with fleas jumping on the water – get out. 2) The woman seen in a Disneyland restaurant, picking fleas out of her hair and studying them is officially ‘a fucking minger’.

4. The group found themselves laughing uncontrollably several times. Action required: quickly swallow whatever is in your mouth to avoid spraying (wasting) alcohol, lean into the person next to you and rock slowly forwards and backwards whilst wheezing that your face hurts from laughing. Option to slap yourself or your friend on the thigh during swaying motion. Repeat as necessary.

5. The next meeting will be scheduled shortly, but a future off-site conference is now being planned for a weekend in the sun. The agenda for that conference will include beers at the airport, disco dancing and sun lounging. The option of 7am yoga was raised and seconded, but the other members immediately declined that offer in favour of investment in long term bed-dwelling and fry-ups.

Girls’ nights are officially the best meetings – fact!

End of minutes.

(Photographic evidence of meeting provided by Snapchat)

The F.F.S. Fitness Programme

I’m really enjoying my new FFS Fitness programme. No classes, DVDs or special sports equipment required.

I just wait until I’m almost ready to leave the house then run round every room, and up and down my stair case looking for shoes, then keys, then phone, then bag, then then then… Until I scream “For Fuck’s Sake”!

Bonus fitness points for making it passed the front door or even to the car before doing the final dash. 

Anyone else taken up this craze?