I love Christmas songs, I really do. The carols, the pop songs, the kids songs. Pretty much all of them. So I thought I’d have some fun updating the lyrics of some classics from my Christmas playlist, so they feel more relevant to life as I know it now – as a knackered mother…
1. To the tune of ‘Santa Claus is coming to town’
You better watch out, she might start to cry
Can’t believe all the shit still to buy
We’re all on the Christmas count down
She’s making a list and checking it twice
Goose fat and cranberry, carrots with spice
We’re all on the Christmas count down
She panics when she’s sleeping
She’ll soon jump wide awake
That present’s not arrived yet
Now she’s screaming “for fuck’s sake!”
Oh, you better watch out, get out of her way
Wrapping and cleaning and swearing all day
We’re all on the Christmas count down.
—
2. To the tune of ‘Last Christmas’
Last Christmas I sent loads of cards
But the postage I paid, just seemed such a waste
This year to save me some time
I’ll just post a pic on Facebook (Facebook) oh oh.
(Merry Christmas) I wrote them all and sent them
With a note saying “Love from…” and I meant it
But now you know, that you won’t get a card
You haven’t pissed me off, I haven’t lost your address.
Last Christmas I sent loads of cards
Now the postage I saved, will not go to waste
This year, to charity sent
So they can do something special (spe-e-cial).
—
3. Sing this one like Bing
(Remembering Christmases when I lived with my parents and had no real responsibilities)
I’m dreaming of a boozy Christmas
Just like when I still lived at home
Where my mum did the shopping, so there’d be no stopping,
My after-work drinks and late night discos
I’m dreaming of a drunk Christmas
Before I had kids of my own
May your children sleep right through the niiiight
And may all your hangovers be light.
—
4. And finally… White Wine in the Sun
This is a real modern day Christmas song by my favourite com
edian, Tim Minchin. I listen to this every year and it gets me every time.
It’s a beautiful song about his love of Christmas because it’s when his family comes together in Australia. Please give it a play, listen to the words (and maybe grab a tissue if you’re as sentimental as me!)…
Whether you celebrate Christmas in the snow or the sun
Whether you are a dad, a sister, a brother, a mum
Whether you believe in Jesus or just the family traditions…
I hope your Christmas is magical, fun, sentimental and filled with love.
And perhaps Unbalanced for all the good reasons!
Merry Christmas xxx
Unbalanced Woman 